Comment dit-on "awkward" en francais?

I’m bringing “awkward turtle” to France. There is no good translation for “awkward” in French, and Americans (well, me) use it all the time. Whenever I discuss the word with les Francais, I of course have to teach them awkward turtle—it’s the logical next step. And they find it to be quite amusing.

Being in a foreign country brings out my awkwardness, which is nowhere more pronounced than when I am forced to greet people. This is largely because of…la bise (the double cheek kiss). Even though I’m not new to this concept, I still find myself uncertain of what to do. When I first met my 2 French housemates I tried to shake their hands but they went in for la bise. The next night I met a French guy at another assistant’s school and, attempting to be French-like, I tried to give la bise but he went in for a handshake. Then he said “oh, comme tu veux” (as you like). NO, I don’t like—I thought that’s what we were supposed to do!? I think some of the French realize that la bise aren’t common in America and so are unsure if they should attempt it. This only adds to my awkward moments. Recently I’ve resorted to giving a sort of half wave from a safe distance.

I can’t fully blame France or la bise for my awkwardness at greetings. Even in America I have issues. I’ve actually injured myself giving somebody a hug. Another person gave up on me halfway through a salutation because we couldn’t decide if we were hugging or shaking. 

So add la bise to my pre-existing awkward greeting condition, and I’m pretty much a lost cause.